i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
