yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no, he came in my armpit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize