I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
