this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
