You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
