Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
