A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
