this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
