If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
