I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
