thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
