I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
