I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
