You smell like stripper and shame
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
