You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
