This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
