Your dad touched me again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Even my vagina gasped.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
