i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
