conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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