i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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