I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
