I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
