I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
