the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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