New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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