so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
