Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
