Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
