why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
