Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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