No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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