Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
