Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
