you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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