We're facebook friends in real life
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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