i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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