why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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