I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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