alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
