i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
