I looked at my own cervix.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
