found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
