I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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