I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
