I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
