At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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