whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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