Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
