don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
