He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
