me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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