last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
