yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize