You made me cry and you don't even care
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
