First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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