i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
