I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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