can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
