He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize