Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
