Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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