wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We need to rekindle our bromance
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
