I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
