Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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