I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize