i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
