Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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