I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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