Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
third nipple confirmed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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