He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
