apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
