I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize