Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
