Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
