So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
