Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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