your room smells of hookers.
And success
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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