Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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