I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
