Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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