also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
