And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
