Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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