Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
