i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
