Screwed.edu
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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