You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
