So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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