he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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