Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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