Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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