the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
