god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
