Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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