My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
