its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
