Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
