What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
