Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
