my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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