I puked a lego.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
