Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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