How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
