apparently the secret to your success is patron
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
