White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize