playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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