For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
